The Value of Emotional Independence

The other day I was driving, and Brad Paisley's "Letter To Me" came on the radio, and I got to thinking some deep thoughts....

I have many young people in my life; family members, friend's kids, and riding students.  Occasionally, I get to have those important conversations where you have the opportunity to impart advice on their young minds, and hopefully, represent a positive influence in their lives.  This song made me think of a recent situation with a family member of mine who is struggling right now.  What would I tell a younger version of myself?  What important advice do you wish that you could give to the young people in your life that would save them some misery in the growing pains of life?

The thing that immediately came to mind is: be emotionally independent.  No one can "make you" happy, sad, angry, depressed, secure, insecure, nor is it anyone's responsibility to do so.   You are completely in charge of your own emotions.  Nor are you responsible for anyone else emotions either.  Someone cuts you off in traffic?  Doesn't mean you get to be a jerk when you walk into the office.  Someone criticizes a project of yours? Doesn't mean you are allowed to blow up.  Life a little tough lately?  Not an excuse to throw a temper tantrum.  Yes, there certainly are 'safe' places and situations in which you can vent, scream and yell in frustration, throw yourself on the floor and act like a total baby.  That is what close friends and therapists are for.  But even then, care must be taken so that when you are finished getting it all off your chest, you stand up, move on, and realize that you put yourself in whatever situation you are in.  You got yourself there, through action or inaction, and the only person who can change it is you.

How does this apply to horses?  A good horse trainer maintains control and responsibility for what happens when working with their horses.  If the horse makes a mistake, a good trainer doesn't get angry - unless it is at him/herself, for not being clear enough, not being prepared enough, for missing a step.  A good trainer isn't reactive, but proactive.  A good trainer recognizes their mistake, acknowledges it and corrects themselves.  You can't correct anything if you are always 100% sure that you are in the right. You never grow when you are always right.

This advice may resonate with some adults too. I am quite sure that the most successful business people are those that know how to maintain their composure and their emotional independence.  No one wants to invest in people who refuse to filter themselves, don't have any impulse control and have big emotional responses to everything that happens to them.  It reeks of instability, immaturity and self-centeredness.

Like anyone else, as a teenager I was dramatically emotional, but through several life experiences, came to this knowledge after getting repeatedly hit in the head with it.  We either figure it out, or we don't.  I feel like I have, or at least, I am conscientiously working toward it.  So that is what I would put in my letter to me...."get to that point sooner, so you can begin living YOUR life."

What Have We Learned Here?

The World Reining League debuted last fall with lots of flash and bang; press releases, articles, a TV commercial, an extensive website, and several youtube videos of 'trash talking' between the competitors (insert eye roll). But barely a whimper was heard when the WRL cancelled their first event, which was to be held January 21 in Oklahoma City.  Only 284 tickets were sold for the event, and according to Michael Miola's statement, several leaders in the reining industry "without exception agreed that canceling the event was the right thing to do."  I cannot feign surprise; when I blogged about the WRL twice last fall, in "Let's Make A Bet..." and "World Reining League Pt.2", I honestly did not see how it was going to work. 

I do not take pleasure in anyone's failure, rather, I see it as unfortunate that so much time and resources has gone toward this project.  Mr. Miola's statement goes on to say that he was given faulty information, has formed a new management team to figure out what went wrong, and that he intends to 'fix it' and try again.  In other words, the time and resources allotted to this project will continue to distract from other avenues for promoting reining. I'm sure we haven't heard the last from the WRL, but maybe its cancellation will delay having to watch the NRHA turn into the PBR for a little while longer.


I have two thoughts, little seeds of my own personal theory, if you will, on growing our industry.....


First, growing UP isn't the only way to grow, we can grow out and down and in every direction.  The reining industry has enjoyed tremendous growth for many years; and has focused on promoting the top 10 % of the business - the biggest shows, the largest jackpots, the trainers and horses with the largest LTEs.  But those heights are unreachable for most people.  Most people can't afford the $1,000 a month that the top trainers charge.  Most people will never come close to earning a million themselves in the show ring, or own a horse that has made over $100K, and the sticker shock for getting to either of these places would run them off before they even tried it!

We need to focus on SMALL too.  We should be looking at more grassroots, local promotion that gets people excited to show, excited to bring their kids and show.  I have some ideas, some of which I have put forth here, and I know that some of my readers have ideas.  I certainly have heard over and over that people are tired of the politics that favor the powerful within the show pen, they are tired of seeing trainers override their horses and still boast huge sums won, they are tired of paying large membership fees but still feeling powerless within their organization.  I have heard more people say that they were going to get out of reining, or that they intend to stay away from it in the first place, than ever before. They are people who love their horses, so they aren't getting out, just staying away....from all the drama, unfairness and pie-in-the-sky promises.  They are looking for somewhere to go, and spend their money, where they are appreciated.


Second, growth is relative to your starting point.  The NRHA has not been around that long compared to other horse associations; it was formed in 1966.  The American Quarter Horse Assoc. was established in 1940, the Arabian Horse Club, which later became the Arabian Horse Assoc., was founded in 1908.  Morgan horses have had their pedigrees recorded since the mid 1800's, though the first official register wasn't established until 1894 - which happens to be the same year that the Jockey Club was founded.  These older associations have seen their ups and downs, boom and bust, growth and correction.  Stability and sticking to their mission statement has helped them endure as much as any promotional endeavors.  Yes, you can have great years, and grow a bunch, but you can't do that every single year without losing something else.  In other words, if you worry only about growth, and growing BIG, you are going to fail to keep the people happy that you just recruited into the sport.


My dad used to tell me, fast changes aren't necessarily good changes; usually, when something changes really quickly, it often isn't for the better.  It is the changes that take more time and are gradual that hold the most positive changes.  Slow and steady wins the race.  My dad sounds pretty smart right about now....

A Tale of Corruption and High Stakes....

One of the first pieces of news out of the National Reining Horse Assoc. in the new year was a press release regarding an anonymous complaint of corruption and possible judge tampering at the 2011 NRHA Futurity.  I read about it through Pat Feuerstein's blog at the Quarter Horse News; the segment has a complete repost of the anonymous letter and the NRHA's response to the allegations, and you can read it here.  


First of all, bravo to those who came together to make this complaint.  It is an uncomfortable place to be in, to be the one to address the nastier side of horse competitions.  It has been shown to me over and over again that the person who stands up often has to do so alone.  It is unfortunate that those who put forth the complaint felt that it was necessary to remain anonymous; on one hand, it takes away from the whole 'standing up' thing when you don't add your name and face to the cause. Being willing to put yourself on the line for the right thing lends legitimacy to it's importance.  But on the other hand, it is certainly a commentary on how scary and dangerous it is to be perceived as someone who rocks the boat in the reining industry.  


In a time when the national and global economies have been on the ropes, and spending on luxury goods, such as expensive show horses, is down overall, the reining industry has prospered, especially for those at the top levels.  And it all has happened very recently. The past ten years have seen huge growth for the NRHA, with more prize money, higher sales prices, and a firm emphasis on earnings - how often do the catch words "million dollar status" cross our radar these days?  Those of us who have been around for a while have a saying..."That horse made $150,000 back when it was hard to make $150,000!" We have grown and changed tremendously.  The amount of money at stake these days at any NRHA promoted/owned event is cause for great excitement - but also indicative of the great responsibility that NRHA officials, judges, and elected board members carry to uphold the highest standards of fairness and integrity.


Which brings me to my next point....I am skeptical that even an independent investigation is going to be able to turn up much 'evidence' of the corruption, nepotism and judge tampering that allegedly occured.  Why?  Because those who would be witness to it are most likely complicit in enabling it.  In an atmosphere in which it is already known that you may be blacklisted if you speak up, why would you incriminate yourself by saying that, "Yes, Mr. Mitchells was present in the judges room, and yes, I feel that he influenced me to score his horse higher than deserved?"  Because while it truly is each individual's responsibility to uphold the rules, if there is no direct proof, such as a secretly recorded audio/video tape, or evidence of bribe money changing hands, it is a lot easier to just hold your chin high, and say, "No, he had no influence over me."  The other allegations, that Mr. Mitchells and Mr. Lopp were allowed to take pay for work done at NRHA owned events, are more concrete, and certainly support the hypothesis that the NRHA elected officials in power take care of their own.


What is the cost for turning a blind eye to those doing wrong and lining their pockets inappropriately?  Trust.  The members of the NRHA already know that politics in the show ring affect scores.  They have seen it over and over again in every level and category.  But they want to trust that their association is against those practices and working to create a level playing field.  The truth WILL come out, and then it may be time to clean house at the NRHA offices.  Until that time, I hope that more people are willing to stand up, tell the truth and do the right thing, and maybe, if those of us interested in creating a better NRHA lend a supportive gesture, they will be willing to give their names.

The Meaning of Commitment

This morning, as usual, I went out to the barn at sunrise to turn out my Quarter Horse mare Bam Bam and her BFF Ruckus.  My husband feeds and turns out early in the morning, but Bam Bam stays in her stall, under lights, until the sun is up.  This is part of preparing her for the coming breeding season.  As I got their halters on, and led them out, one in each hand, I began to think about Ruckus, and her place in life.

Ruckus is a seventeen yr old bay mare, 3/4 Arabian, 1/4 Saddlebred - a double registered Half Arab and National Show Horse.  Her bloodlines are outstanding; her dam, The Socialite, was a Half Arab *Bask granddaughter whom my sister showed to National Champion in Amateur Park. Her sire was the gorgeous *Bask son, MS Baquero, who earned National titles in Driving and English Pleasure.  Ruckus was bred to be a show horse, but unfortunately, that was not to be.  You see, Ruckus' dam, a first-time mom and a very naturally intense mare, rejected Ruckus only hours after her birth.  The mare had foaled outside over night at our trainer's facility, and when she was discovered in the morning, she was moved into a stall.  This proved too much for Socialite; she picked up her beautiful newborn filly by the neck, shook her violently and threw her about the stall.  Barn help were able to separate them, and later, reunite them, but this incident left Ruckus with nerve damage in her neck.

I took over Ruckus's care when she was a two year old, and broke her to ride, but she could not stand pressure on her poll.  Even with just a halter on, she would cock her head, sometimes shaking her head back and forth. In a bridle it was worse, and even though she was pretty easy to ride in all other regards, the irritation she felt in that area was a distraction for her.  Conventional veterinary medicine at the time had very little to offer her in terms of rehabilitation, and there wouldn't be any guarantee of long-lasting results. She would never be able to live up to what had been planned for her.

Despite the frustration of our thwarted plans, we, my husband and I, had grown to love Ruckus.  She was sassy, sweet, and just pretty to look at.  So we kept her.  What other choice did we have?  Ruckus was brought into this life by a human's choice to breed her.  She has never done anything wrong (Ok, there was that one time when she ran a gate before I could close it, but who could blame her?).  What kind of life would she have if she was sold?  I know in my heart that the problems in her neck could not be resolved, so selling her as a riding horse was out of the question.  And there is very little market for horses that aren't rideable.  The truth is, when you sell a horse, they are out of your control.  I just could not bear the thought of someone else discarding her, mistreating her, sending her off to the slaughter house.  I knew Ruckus deserves better than that, and since you can't 'un-know' something, how could I live with myself if I were the one to put her at risk?

What has this decision cost me?  Well, Ruckus will be 18 this year, so I have been paying for her care for 16 years now.  Feeding her, vetting her, giving her the exact same standard of care that I do for all of my horses.  I figure that I have at least $25,000 in that mare, and it wasn't even my choice to breed her!  I know, I know....that is a LOT of money, and it is money I could definitely have spent on other things, like broodmares, stud fees, or heck, even a vacation!  But again, how much is my peace of mind worth?  Sure, my horse budget has been limited because a certain amount has to go toward upkeep of non-working animals, but in my mind, that is how it should be.  You don't discard the animals who are injured, or are too old to work.  As long as they are healthy, and aren't a danger to anyone, they deserve life too.  And I have always felt that I am doing the right thing; rather than putting the responsibility off on someone else, rather than looking to escape my responsibility by selling her to slaughter or just putting her down directly, we have chosen to let her live out her life as a pasture ornament.

As it is, Ruckus does have a job.  She is a lady-in-waiting for my mare Miss Bam Bam Command, a post she has held for most of her 16 years with us.  Ruckus is the only horse that Bam Bam wants next to her when she is stalled.  Put her in alone, or with another horse next to her, and she will have a meltdown.  Ruckus also 'protects' her out in the field; she will put herself between Bam Bam and other mares, and will stand over Bammie when she lays down for a nap.  I know that Bam Bam doesn't care that Ruckus never won a ribbon.  The love and trust displayed between them is as real as any friendship I have.  $25,000 well spent....

Do you have horses that you are committed to for life?

You Are What You Do

Good morning and Happy New Year!

I am a person who loves to learn new things.  I crave challenges and am always seeking out my 'next thing.'  Sometimes a phase of fascination can be for a relatively short period of time, such as reading a series of books that are related by subject, or my obsessions can be years long, where I am driven to master something and it becomes part of my personality.  My love of horses has been a lifelong passion, and a purpose that permeates nearly every aspect of my life.  Likewise, being a riding instructor, trainer, and breeder are all endeavors that generate a huge amount of inspiration, drive, and yearning to learn within me.  They are fascinations that turned into my reality because I worked at figuring them out, every day.

More recently, I began writing about horses.  This is something I have wanted to do for a long, long time.  What held me back?  Well, first, having the time to do it; I was out living it and doing it, and it seemed that writing about it (adding my voice and recording my experiences) wasn't as important when I was younger.  But I think I was also afraid to use that title...."writer."  Who am I to call myself a "writer?"  Aren't writers intellectuals?  Esteemed authorities on everything there is to know about their subjects?  If I boldly called myself a writer, wouldn't there be people, maybe even people that I really care about, who would laugh at me, or *GASP* even worse, tell me that I suck at it?

And then it hit me....no one is ever going to give you permission or approval to claim that title.  That is one you give yourself.  In everything that I have done - teaching, training or breeding, I have taken something that I loved, something that moved me deeply, and worked everyday to figure it out, learning to be better, and earning the title. It occurred to me that every time I write, I am earning the title of writer.  YOU ARE WHAT YOU DO.  If I regret anything, it is that there have been moments where I hesitated to take action because I was waiting for someone to give me approval.  So here's to a New Year; one in which I intend to give myself permission to be what is in my heart.

Who do you want to be this year?

My Christmas List....

As we reach the end of the year, many of us find ourselves in a reflective state of mind.  It is natural to look back at all that we have gained, all that we have lost, and where the path of life took us in the year gone by.  For me, the feeling of introspection is deepened by the fact that my birthday is a week before Christmas, and the older I get, the more I have to look back on.  I certainly have a lot to be thankful for; 2011 was a fantastic year for me, both personally and professionally.  I have never been happier or felt more at ease with myself, and yet, I see that, as always, there is still work to be done.  I still have places to improve and room to grow.

So today I wanted to create a wish list; a list of wants and needs, and issues that I intend to give my attention to.....

1. I intend to dedicate more attention to my personal health; getting check-ups, exercising (beyond riding, I mean aerobic, break-a-sweat exercise), eating right and getting enough sleep.  I do a lot in a day, for my family, my animals, and my business. And it is easy to put off things that nurture me. A good friend reminded me recently, as she was sweetly badgering me to get a mammogram, that if I don't take care of myself, all those other areas will falter and/or break down.  I know that many horsewomen out there are like me; we take care of everything else in the world before we take care of ourselves. That can only go on for so long before we start to break down.  I am going to be more vigilant in preventing that. (And yes, I made the appt. for the mammogram!)
2. I intend to write, write, and write some more!  I love falling down the rabbit hole, immersing myself in a subject, crafting words to do my bidding, and emerging on the other side of the creative process feeling like I understand the world and myself a bit more.  However, if life gets in my way, and I have stretches when I just don't have the time to do it, I vow not to hold guilty grudges against myself, or feel as though I have failed.  Life happens, and that's how it goes.  I like to see my life as a banquet; I take a little of this, a little of that, and try to give myself a balanced plate of everything I love.  Too much of any one thing, and you will get full on it, left to yearn for the other things you didn't get enough of, or didn't have room to try.  It's about balance, and leaving space for everything.
3. I wish for my kids to enjoy fully this horsey/country life that we have created for them.  I wish for them to appreciate the animals, fresh air, open spaces, friendly neighbors and all the other simple happinesses that we are so blessed to have.  I wish for them to grow strong from their deep roots of a happy childhood.
4. I wish for the horse industry, fellow equine professionals and all of us who just love horses to continue to recover economically from the recession.  I hope that people get feed they can afford, and that we have a mild winter, so as to not drive up costs. May our old horses get through winter, our mares hold on to those foals, and may the young ones stay sound.
5. I wish for kindness and compassion.  Lots and lots of that, please!  Less abuse, violence, doping, cheating and stealing, and a lot more gentleness, respectfulness, hope, generosity, honesty and good, old-fashioned values.  That's not a lot to ask, is it?

Dear reader, thank you for spending time with me this year.  I pray that your holidays are filled with love, laughter and time spent with the people you love the most.  I wish you a Merry Christmas, and a very Happy New Year!

The Colt

Have you had a moment in your life when everything changed?

This past weekend, I migrated, along with the rest of the reining world, to Oklahoma City, to attend the NRHA Futurity.  Those who can't attend still turn their eyes toward reining's figurative capital city, and with webcasts capturing every moment of the action, reiners on all corners of the globe can keep up with what is happening.  They are watching to see their idols, the horses they all want to own, to see who is emerging in the sport, and what bloodlines are doing well, which might affect their breeding and buying decisions.  For trainers, owners and breeders, it is a week of making deals and networking, and of course, checking out all the beautiful horses for sale and at stud.

I was there specifically because a two year old stud colt that I bred was going to be in the Futurity Prospect Sale, and all indications were that he was going to make a really big impression on buyers who would be attending.  The horse's name is Commanders Lil Step (a name I chose :) and he is by Wimpys Little Step and out of my mare, Miss Bam Bam Command.  He is owned by my friend Vaughn Zimmerman, who purchased him from me as an embryo and who had been telling me that this was going to be a great horse since he was a foal.  When Vaughn and I talked about this horse, it has always been "The colt is doing great, the colt is this, the colt is that..." and when I got to Oklahoma City, I said to him, "Ok, I want to know what this horse's barn name is.  I can't just keep calling him the colt!"  Vaughn's reply, "Well, I don't know why not.  That's what everyone else is calling him!"  Indeed.  The Colt's reputation was preceding him with force.  Everywhere I went, people were talking about him.  Some of the very best trainers in the biz tried him and raved. Total strangers came up to me to say that he was the best two year old around.  He was making an impression all right.

I was so excited to see him for the first time and put my hands on him. The Colt is a gorgeous dark sorrel - his coat actually looks maroon - with four white socks and a star, strip and snip. He is pretty-headed and smooth bodied like his momma, but you can see Wimpy's power coming out everywhere.  He is incredibly well-developed for a two year old, and all the credit belongs to Bobby Avila Jr. for the amazing job he did preparing him. Which brings me to another facet of The Colt's appeal - a mastery over the maneuvers that Bobby has imparted on him.  His stops are incredible. His turns are incredible.  His lead changes are incredible. And he is a beautiful mover with a quiet, trainable mind.  He is a great example of what Bobby can do with a horse, and I would be proud to have him throw a leg over any of my babies.

The night before the sale, after coming back to the show grounds after dinner, my friends and I decided to go see The Colt before heading to bed, to 'wish him luck.'  Silly, I know, but that's me - - I love my animals unabashedly, and while I didn't own him, Vaughn always has referred to him as "ours," so I guess I kind of wanted to say good bye too.  After all, I knew that in the morning, he probably wouldn't be Vaughn's anymore, so therefore, he wouldn't really be mine either.  So I went to his stall to say goodnight and goodbye.  I am so glad I did.

The Colt's stall was on the far side of the sale barn, on a quiet aisle facing the far wall; a quiet corner with very little traffic where he could rest.  It was about 10 o'clock at night, so there was no one around as we made our way to see him.  As my friends and I stood there, cooing to The Colt and admiring him through the bars of the stall, I realized that two people were now standing behind us, watching us watching The Colt.  It turned out to be Javier Mendez and Thiago Boechat, who work with Lorenzo Vargas, owner of Xtra Quarter Horses and Wimpy himself.  As we made introductions, I explained my relationship to The Colt, and I was graciously ushered over to Lorenzo to be introduced.  While the interaction was brief, he seemed to be a very friendly man, and the people around him also were warm and friendly.  They immediately asked if I wanted to meet Wimpy, as he was at the showgrounds that evening for a party at the Xtra Quarter Horses' stalls.  Well, heck yeah, I wanted to meet him!!

To meet a legend is a very special thing.  Wimpys Little Step is twelve years old now, and looks to be the picture of health and vigor.  And he was so sweet!  He is personable and gentle, and I think just really wants to be scratched on his sweet spot near his withers.  Everyone around him was so gracious - thank you to the Xtra staff for sharing him with us. 

The next morning, we arrived to join the crowd amassing in the sale arena before the Futurity Prospect Sale.  The sale arena at the State Fair Arena is a relatively small area, and during the sale, it gets just packed with people - every trainer and owner of merit is there, faces you most often see in the industry magazines.  People are speaking different languages, some are doing some last minute promoting, some are trying to arrive at their reserve price and everyone is people watching.  The atmosphere is electric.  So much money is at stake, and everyone is angling to play the game.  I was very nervous - how could you not be? - so it was probably a fortuitous twist of fate that The Colt was hip #3 and so early in the sale.  Better to get in there and get it over with!

When it was The Colt's turn, we stepped inside to watch the bidding.  The auctioneer's voice called out bigger and bigger numbers - I honestly felt faint! When it was over, The Colt was sold for $200,000 to Lorenzo Vargas, Wimpy's owner and the kind man that I had met the night before.  As I stood in the arena with Vaughn, his son Justin, Lorenzo and the Xtra team for a picture, it honestly felt surreal.  A colt I bred was the High Seller at the Prospect Sale!  It was the moment that everything changed.  I wanted to cry, I wanted to jump up and shout.  For my mare, this was a game-changer.  That is what this is all about for me; having the rest of the world recognize what I have known for a long time: that my mare Bam Bam is really special.  And any worry I might of had about The Colt changing hands was erased by having serendipitously met Lorenzo and his fine staff the night before.  The Colt is in excellent hands.

What happens now?  Well, The Colt is on his way toward a stellar career and I ask everyone to say a little prayer for his continued good health and soundness.  Anything can happen in the next year, but I have a feeling that The Colt is going to be a contender next year.

As for Bam Bam, she has a hot date with a gorgeous palomino stud....