Monday, June 13, 2011

What am I doing here??

Life is a crazy journey, and because I am the mother of two little boys, sometimes, I swear that it moves at the speed of light. I had attempted to write a blog early last year, and it just didn't hook me. I had so much to do in any given day; taking care of my kids and keeping their lives interesting, keeping my herd of eleven horses healthy, working my training horses and giving lesssons, maintaining my marriage, my house, my relationships with friends and family...I didn't have time to sit down and write more than a sentence or two on my Facebook page, and writing my blog just didn't fit in. I realize now that I wasn't writing a blog, but rather, articles, and also that life ebbs and flows. Sometimes things fit, sometimes they don't.

My kids are now 5 and 4, and are capable of safely entertaining themselves for short stretches of time (I hope!! haha!), and I have sold a couple of my horses - two that were young and required much more attention - and life seems to be at a 'smooth' point. Perhaps even more important is the fact that I feel more confident in where I am, and who I am. I have come out of the most isolated period of my life - the young childhood of my kids - to find that I have wonderful, supportive friends. Some of those relationships are very old, from my own childhood, and some are brand new. But thankfully, they all see me as I am, accept me and want to hear what I have to say. Sooooo encouraging. I am recognizing my own voice again.

So what am I doing here? Well, some recent controversial events in the horse industry have lit a fire within me. The past few years I have felt pushed out of the industry that I have lived in my entire life. After spending every moment of my life working toward being a successful trainer, breeder, instructor and showman, achieving awards and accolades along the way, it all fell apart (or so it seemed). The economy tanked, my husband and I moved to rural Kansas from urban Phoenix to be closer to family, and I was suddenly the mother to two babies - blessings to be sure, but definitely something that put horses down the list of priorities. But after the recent events that have rocked my favorite horse sport, reining, I realized that I wasn't ready to bow out just yet. That I wasn't ready to watch my sport be ruined by people in it only to make a buck, and who cared little about making it better. I realized that by remaining silent, I was, in fact, allowing those who would hurt the sport, and it's horses, to win.

Most importantly, I realize that writing is validation for who I am as a person. After being bullied and intimidated by a powerful trainer's wife, who would like to see insignificant little me squashed like a bug, I felt an inferno being lit inside my heart! I love horses, and I love reining, and don't feel that those are mutually exclusive. You CAN win in the show ring without making your horses miserable, or breaking the rules. I also believe that judges, stewards, exhibitors and spectators have a simple, but incredibly important, first priority - to do right by the horse. I have always tried to speak for the horse, who has no voice, and have been blessed with a horsey intuitiveness that guides who I am as a horseman. Doing what is right for the horse is what my inner compass is set to, and the place from which I will write. So thank you, Ginger, for being as mean as you are. You have lit a fire that I feared was nearly out. ;)

Enjoy your day, my friends!!