Pirates and Thieves

Have you ever had a horse in training, and felt completely out of control of the process?  Bombarded by extra fees on your bill that you didn’t authorize?  Vet costs that you didn’t know about, didn’t authorize and are confusing as to their purpose?  Worried that your horse is being mistreated and feel powerless to protect them?   Have you ever felt annoyed or angry because a horse trainer expected you to show up at the barn with an open check book and a closed mouth?   Have you ever had a horse that you delivered to the trainer sound, healthy, and happy, only to have it given back to you a sick, quivering, lame, and terrified mess, and were then told, “These things happen?”  Then you, my friend, may be one of many interested in taking back control of the horse industry from those that would like to hold us, the owners and breeders, over a barrel – the trainers.

A friend of mine in the reining business characterizes big name horse trainers as ‘pirates.’  They sniff out wealth among owners and good horses among breeders, charge exorbitant fees in exchange for taking over your assets – your well-bred, well-loved animals, expect to rule their barn with absolute authority,  demand loyalty while they are free to behave like divas, gain fame and fortune to the outside world while treating the horse as a disposable commodity, and in many cases, doing unconscionable things to the animals in their care, even as they are climbing the ladder of success toward that enviable ‘million dollar’ status.   As owners, breeders, and amateur riders, we are at their mercy if we choose to put our horses in training.

In a perfect world, we would be working our own horses, and forming partnerships with them that would carry us to the winner’s circle.  But this is unrealistic for many people.  Some have careers that take up too much time, or have family obligations that are of a higher priority than spending the necessary hours working their horses.  Many people recognize that they aren’t physically capable, and yet want to be involved in the horse world, even if it is as an active observer and enthusiast.  Some people see their limits, and want horsemen with more talent than they themselves possess to take their horses as far as they can go in the competitive arena.  As a horse trainer and riding instructor, I encourage people to be as active in their horses’ lives as they able to be, but also see nothing wrong in placing a horse with a trusted trainer whose philosophies match that of the owner.  I myself have had many horses with trainers; some I admired a great deal and came away satisfied and inspired.  Others were a nightmare, and made me understand all of the things I DON’T want in a horse trainer, no matter how “big” their name is.

When a trainer takes your horse and mistreats it, causing it physical or mental harm, they are stealing from you.  If the horse experiences harsh training techniques that cause the horse to become afraid, sour, dull or dangerous, that horse’s worth is seriously impacted.  If the horse is physically injured due to rough care or negligence, not only does it diminish the horse’s worth, it may render it useless.  When a trainer authorizes a vet to use drugs to mask or change a horse’s disposition, way of going, or physical appearance, they are imposing serious risks to the horse’s immediate and long-term health, and are also risking the sullying of your good name, should it be discovered that your horse underwent this treatment in order to win.   For those of us that put in countless hours of handling, care and planning, plus thousands and thousands of dollars worth of breeding fees, purchase costs, vet care, feed, shoeing and land management costs, to have a horse ruined and wasted by an unscrupulous trainer is devastating.  Yet many are afraid to speak up, or have signed away our rights by agreeing to sign the pirate’s best weapon – a training agreement that includes a non-disclosure clause.   I think that the inability to speak up and advocate on behalf of your horse that has been maimed, crippled, or killed by a trainer so that they may retain some kind of ‘good reputation’ is the very definition of adding insult to injury.

We can, however, take back our power.  The trainer works for us, right?  So why not have our own contract that clearly sets limits on what the trainer is allowed to do to our asset, the horse?  I think this is a brilliant way to do battle with the pirates!  A friend of mine has put together an excellent contract that does just that – defines what exactly the owner expects and allows to be done to their horse while in the care of the trainer.  It can’t control everything – plain old bad training, for example – but it does protect the owner from deliberate diminishment of the value of their horse, and gives them legal ground to stand on if the trainer chooses to go against the owner’s wishes.  You can access this contract here.  I encourage you to use it within your owner/ trainer relationships, and spread the word to your friends who may be thinking of putting a horse in training.  There are plenty of ways to personalize this contract, so don’t feel as if this is a one-size-fits-all deal.  You may strike sections if they don’t apply or add caveats to them, or add your own conditions at the bottom.  I feel this is a good place to start in remaining in control of your horse, and, since even the most hands-on owner can’t be at the trainer’s all the time, is a little insurance policy against things happening behind your back.

Some pirates will certainly be offended that you dared challenged their judgment in being the captain of their ship!  And may even ask you to walk the plank and take your horse with you!  But the contract contains nothing that is unreasonable, and I would be seriously wary of someone who wouldn’t agree to the simple requests stated therein.  They are probably doing you a favor by letting you know up front that they intend to mistreat your horse, so leave them to their own devices and seek out someone who is appreciative of you, your horse and your money, and will therefore treat all of those things with respect.

Some Keep Promises, Some Keep Secrets

Some stories need to be told, no matter how painful the telling.  And some promises must be kept, no matter the obstacles in the path of the keeping.  The reason for both is usually love. 

I recently finished a moving and thought-provoking book called "Justice For Speedy," which is the true story of the author's journey from dreaming of breeding her mare, raising the resulting foal with care, the charismatic colt "Speedy" growing up to show enormous potential, watching Speedy perform at his first show and winning a Championship class, and then discovering the horse was being abused by the trusted trainer, unbeknownst to the owner.  Judy Berkley describes in detail how she found out, after much investigation, that her trainer had gone directly against her very explicit expectations that her horse not be over-fed, not be abused, and not be given any steroids.  Sadly, Speedy endured all three, which caused a cascade of health problems resulting in him foundering and later, colicking, and being put down.  On top of the tragedy of Speedy's death, Berkley had the added insult of an industry in which the drugging of show horses is common and almost systematic, and where many of those with pull and influence are happy to cover up the ugliness of it.  Berkley had promised her horse that she would tell his story, and that she wouldn't let him be forgotten, so despite many hardships, personal, financial and emotional, she continues to bring to light some of the abuses that are deemed 'common practice' within the show and performance horse industry.

The story is about a Half Arabian gelding that was shown in halter and western pleasure, but please believe me, this story could be set in the reining world, the Quarter Horse or Paint pleasure circuits, the hunter/jumper world.....it is about how some are willing to do just about anything to their horses to move up the ladder of earnings, points, buckles, trophies and garlands, and how higher-ups within the industry try to quash the controversies with lawyers and lawsuits, confidentiality contracts, and the Good Ol' Boy Club.  We have all seen it - the corruption often goes all the way to the top.  Equally appalling is how the general membership (of any association) participates in this dysfunctional and enabling 'trainer worship' that allows many to get away with callous acts in the name of winning and money.  You will certainly recognize the characters in the story because they are universal.

Berkley is angry about what happened to her horse, it shows in her writing.  And as well she should be - we all should be.  The horse industry has been plagued with similar incidents for a long time, and a change within our culture - for the better - is overdue.  Don't our horses deserve better than to be used and abused, and then discarded? 

I believe so - but it is going to take three levels of change:
1) Those who are actually using abusive methods need to see their actions for what they are, and resolve to change or get out.

2)  Those who don't abuse their horses or drug them, but turn a blind eye/justify it, need to be willing to speak out, publicly or privately, against practices that they know hurts horses and that they know is bad for our industry.  They need to find it within themselves to do the right thing, because ignoring the problems won't make them go away.

3)  Those who are in a position of influence need to take a proactive, public stance against those practices that damage the integrity of our breeds, our sport, and our competitions.

I am not of the belief that everyone who shows or competes on horses is abusive, or drugs them, or is to self-absorbed to care.  I know that there are many, many people who feel like I do - that it is an incredible gift to ride a great horse, and to work in partnership with that horse to achieve something, whatever that is.  That horses have the ability to teach us, empower us, lift us up, heal our souls and bring purpose to our lives.  Those of us (and there are thousands of you who will read this, according to my view counter) who love horses must work together to actively try and change the culture.  Not only will we be protecting the horses themselves, we will be protecting our lifestyle and viable future.

The first step - getting educated.....You can check out Judy Berkley's book and website here, at  http://justiceforspeedy.com/home.html  I would also encourage you to take a look at her store, which has a collection of t-shirts, mugs, hats and bumper stickers that can help you declare your horse drug free.  I especially love the mug that says, "Bring back the 1979 Arabian horse" and the bumper sticker that says, "Unattractive, Unnatural, Just Plain Dumb - Peanut Rolling."  Also, if you read through the blog portion of her site, you will uncover the name of the trainer who abused her horse.

I would like to thank Judy for sharing Speedy's story, and commend her for having the guts to keep her promise to her horse.  I hope it inspires more people to speak up and name names.

Paying Tribute to Greatness

To be lucky enough to ride and own a truly great horse is a blessing that may only come to a person once in a lifetime.  And if you are even luckier still, you might be able to have that horse its whole life, seeing their kind soul through every stage, from rambunctious youngster to eager partner to seasoned pro to kind and benevolent golden years.  I was that lucky and that blessed.  I owned and rode a beautiful black Half-Arabian/National Show Horse gelding named Jazz Festival +/ from the age of 2 until he died last August, 2012,  at the age of 29.  I'd like to pay tribute to his amazing life and share a bit of him with you.

Many of you know me from my efforts in breeding Quarter Horse reining horses, but I grew up showing Arabians and Half-Arabians, in western, English, sidesaddle, costume, driving and in hand.  At the time that I first met Jazz at Clinton Arabians where he had been bred, he was a gangly, long-legged two yr old, and I was an equally gangly and awkward 14 yr old.  Jazz was sired by the great NSH sire Islamorada, a Bask*son, and out of a lovely Saddlebred mare named Festival Music.  He really wasn't much to look at, at that stage, all legs, a long skinny neck and a very narrow body.  But as soon as I rode him, I KNEW.  By that time, I had ridden my share of English horses, and loved the really forward ones, and was mesmerized by flat-saddle type horses that could really move.  Sitting on him the first time, I was in awe of how his neck came straight up out of his shoulder, how he could sit waaaay back on his haunches and collect up.  And even without shoes on, he had a natural lift that hinted at what he was capable of.  He was so much fun!  And wild too!  He was like riding a rubber 2 x 4!  Better have a velcro seat to stick with him!

 Jazz as a foal, with his dam, Festival Music.

My family and I had been looking for a horse to 'move up' on.  My previous English horse was solid as a rock, but more of a babysitter, and we were ready for more shows and competition.  After riding several prospects at different trainer's barns, I knew Jazz was the one.  We just clicked, and we looked right together.  It wasn't an easy sell on my parents though; first of all, we had never purchased a 'Big' horse before, and second, they weren't at all sure that this string bean of a gelding was everything he was purported to be.  After some convincing, my parents relented, and I can confidently say, there were never any regrets.

 Showing Jazz in a Pro/Am class with Vicki Humphrey.

Jazz Festival and I made our debut at the spring shows in 1986, one of which being the prestigious Buckeye Show in Ohio, where we won our first Championship.  For the next four years I showed him all over the US and Canada, earning countless show championships, regional championships, two National Championships and a Reserve National Championship, in English Pleasure, both in Open with my trainer Vicki Humphrey and in Junior with me, and Pleasure Driving.  In the show ring, he was stunning to look at, gloriously black and shiny, long tail streaming behind, ears up, happy in his element.  This was a horse that LOVED his job, loved to go to shows, loved to be fussed over, loved to hear applause.  He loved applause so much that sometimes we would try to recreate the effect at home, assembling a crowd to cheer him on.  He would positively puff up when he heard whoops and hollers!  He stood about 15.3 or 16 hands, but cheer for him and he became a 17 hand giant!

After I went to college, Jazz started a new career as a Five Gaited horse,which he took to very easily and naturally.  Again, he was dazzling to watch - his rack was brilliant.  He ended up earning another National Championship and another Reserve National Championship with Vicki and with my sister Ashley.  At the end of his show career, Jazz had five National titles, a Legion of Supreme Honor (which is denoted by the +/ after his name), was a top all-time money earner, and was inducted into the National Show Horse Hall of Fame.

I got to show him Five Gaited a couple of times too.  FUN!

When I finished college, I missed my sweet horse and brought him to Arizona, where I lived.  While he was retired from the show ring, you can't just stop riding a horse that loves to be ridden that much.  So he became a lesson horse of the highest order, helping me to teach kids and adults to ride.  He was absolutely the favorite in the barn among the students; he was steady, he was patient, he wasn't scared of anything, and he was so affectionate, like a silly puppy.  He would do things like pull your hat off your head or even try to untie your shoes!  And if you really needed a horsey hug, he would let you wrap your arms fully around his head and hold him as long as you needed to.  Every person who walked into the barn got a nicker from Jazz.

 With one of his beloved students.  Photo by M. Burge.

Over the 27 years that I shared with Jazz, we weathered so many changes, so many victories and disappointments, and so many miles!  One of the biggest changes to our family happened in 2005 and 2007, when my two sons were born.  Jazz loved the boys; he would nuzzle them and gently accept treats from their tiny hands, and became their riding horse when they were big enough to sit up on him.  His gentleness and steadiness made the best kind of impression on them - it helped light the fire of horse-love that I hope will burn in their hearts their whole lives, like it has in mine.  His happy expression when he saw them let me know that he was as happy as they were with the arrangement.

Sadly, horses don't live as long as we do.  Or, they don't live as long as we wish they could.  Last August, Jazz colicked, most likely from a fatty tumor strangulating his intestine, and despite our vet's best efforts, there was nothing that could be done.  We chose to end his suffering at home, where he was happy and calm and near his best friends.  It was one of the worst moments of my life.  I could never describe adequately how sad I was, and still am, at his sudden absence, after spending so many years with him.  But as my wise niece reminds me, "Don't be sad it's over, be grateful it happened."  And I am so grateful.  That beautiful horse taught me so much, and elevated my mind as to what was possible for me.  He taught me to never give up, to believe in myself and face life with your ears up and a twinkle in your eye.  He was a once-in-a-lifetime horse, and will never be forgotten.

The last photo of our sweet Jazz, taken just 2 days before he passed.  That is one happy boy up there on his back!

Touching Greatness

I found out today that Commanders Nic has passed from complications from colic, and I am deeply saddened by the news. Commanders Nic (Boomernic x Miss Bam Bam Command) was the seventh highest all time money earner in NRHA history, winning $258,815 in NRHA competition, most notably, taking fourth in the 2002 NRHA Futurity Open Finals, winning reserve at the 2003 NRHA Derby, and coming back to win the Derby in 2004. All these titles were achieved long after I sold him as a foal, but even watching his success from afar was exciting.  He was gorgeous, talented and powerful, in a small but elegant package, and his success created a new path for me and my mare, Bam Bam, for which I am grateful.

I've always thought that this shot really captured how much he looked like his momma!

Commanders Nic was just 15 years old, his oldest offspring are only 6 year olds, and by all accounts, his progeny are chips off the ol' block, showing his physical ability and wonderful mind. He had enormous heart, giving it all in every performance, and I have heard his babies do the same.  It will be great to see how 'the grandkids' do in the future. 

Most breeders are in the business to sell horses, so they may not get to share much in what the horse does after it leaves their possession.  But we hope and dream and worry over them, long after they are gone, and at every mention of their name, we remember them as youngsters, marveling at how they changed and grew.  In celebration of his life, I thought I would share some pictures of him as a foal.  He was Bammie's first baby, and his arrival was so very exciting. As I look back at these pictures, I remember the hopefulness I felt, as we do with every new foal, along with the wonder of "where will you go, and what will you do?"  This one went far.

My condolences to all the members of the Commanders Nic Partnership; thank you for everything you did for him and I wish you luck with his foals in the future.

The Meaning of Commitment

This morning, as usual, I went out to the barn at sunrise to turn out my Quarter Horse mare Bam Bam and her BFF Ruckus.  My husband feeds and turns out early in the morning, but Bam Bam stays in her stall, under lights, until the sun is up.  This is part of preparing her for the coming breeding season.  As I got their halters on, and led them out, one in each hand, I began to think about Ruckus, and her place in life.

Ruckus is a seventeen yr old bay mare, 3/4 Arabian, 1/4 Saddlebred - a double registered Half Arab and National Show Horse.  Her bloodlines are outstanding; her dam, The Socialite, was a Half Arab *Bask granddaughter whom my sister showed to National Champion in Amateur Park. Her sire was the gorgeous *Bask son, MS Baquero, who earned National titles in Driving and English Pleasure.  Ruckus was bred to be a show horse, but unfortunately, that was not to be.  You see, Ruckus' dam, a first-time mom and a very naturally intense mare, rejected Ruckus only hours after her birth.  The mare had foaled outside over night at our trainer's facility, and when she was discovered in the morning, she was moved into a stall.  This proved too much for Socialite; she picked up her beautiful newborn filly by the neck, shook her violently and threw her about the stall.  Barn help were able to separate them, and later, reunite them, but this incident left Ruckus with nerve damage in her neck.

I took over Ruckus's care when she was a two year old, and broke her to ride, but she could not stand pressure on her poll.  Even with just a halter on, she would cock her head, sometimes shaking her head back and forth. In a bridle it was worse, and even though she was pretty easy to ride in all other regards, the irritation she felt in that area was a distraction for her.  Conventional veterinary medicine at the time had very little to offer her in terms of rehabilitation, and there wouldn't be any guarantee of long-lasting results. She would never be able to live up to what had been planned for her.

Despite the frustration of our thwarted plans, we, my husband and I, had grown to love Ruckus.  She was sassy, sweet, and just pretty to look at.  So we kept her.  What other choice did we have?  Ruckus was brought into this life by a human's choice to breed her.  She has never done anything wrong (Ok, there was that one time when she ran a gate before I could close it, but who could blame her?).  What kind of life would she have if she was sold?  I know in my heart that the problems in her neck could not be resolved, so selling her as a riding horse was out of the question.  And there is very little market for horses that aren't rideable.  The truth is, when you sell a horse, they are out of your control.  I just could not bear the thought of someone else discarding her, mistreating her, sending her off to the slaughter house.  I knew Ruckus deserves better than that, and since you can't 'un-know' something, how could I live with myself if I were the one to put her at risk?

What has this decision cost me?  Well, Ruckus will be 18 this year, so I have been paying for her care for 16 years now.  Feeding her, vetting her, giving her the exact same standard of care that I do for all of my horses.  I figure that I have at least $25,000 in that mare, and it wasn't even my choice to breed her!  I know, I know....that is a LOT of money, and it is money I could definitely have spent on other things, like broodmares, stud fees, or heck, even a vacation!  But again, how much is my peace of mind worth?  Sure, my horse budget has been limited because a certain amount has to go toward upkeep of non-working animals, but in my mind, that is how it should be.  You don't discard the animals who are injured, or are too old to work.  As long as they are healthy, and aren't a danger to anyone, they deserve life too.  And I have always felt that I am doing the right thing; rather than putting the responsibility off on someone else, rather than looking to escape my responsibility by selling her to slaughter or just putting her down directly, we have chosen to let her live out her life as a pasture ornament.

As it is, Ruckus does have a job.  She is a lady-in-waiting for my mare Miss Bam Bam Command, a post she has held for most of her 16 years with us.  Ruckus is the only horse that Bam Bam wants next to her when she is stalled.  Put her in alone, or with another horse next to her, and she will have a meltdown.  Ruckus also 'protects' her out in the field; she will put herself between Bam Bam and other mares, and will stand over Bammie when she lays down for a nap.  I know that Bam Bam doesn't care that Ruckus never won a ribbon.  The love and trust displayed between them is as real as any friendship I have.  $25,000 well spent....

Do you have horses that you are committed to for life?

Preventing Tragedy

Yesterday, I read a story that is truly every horseman's worst nightmare; a barn fire destroyed a show barn in Magnolia, Texas, killing 13 horses, and leaving one unaccounted for.  14 other horses were evacuated safely, however, the barn was not insured and was considered a total loss.  My heart goes out to the Goslin/Nix family; I have met Fred Goslin, and Gwen Nix, and know that they are good, responsible horse people who surely felt that their facility was a safe one, and took great care of the training horses entrusted to them.  I hope that they are able to recover from this setback, and return to their normal work activities soon.  I am also saying a prayer for all the horsey souls lost in that fire, as well as their human owners, who I am sure are heartbroken.

I subscribe to several equine industry news outlets, so this same story seems to cross my radar several times a year, and it never fails to give me a sick feeling in my stomach.  Barn fires cause millions of dollars in damages and loss every year, and almost always, they are preventable.  In honor of the horses that were lost in the Goslin/Nix fire, I'd like to review some fire safety strategies that we can implement to help keep this from happening in our own barns.

1.)  Clean that barn - REALLY clean it!  The air in the barn is full of micro-bits of sawdust, hair and debris that are extremely flammable.  Get out a broom and sweep the walls, corners, wiring, everything.  Used canned air to clean out outlets.  Take down your fans (or climb up to them) and clean them thoroughly with small brushes, rags, etc. taking care to inspect their wiring.  Horses and rodents can chew on cords, making them a fire hazard.  Replace a fan that is damaged - don't just tape it up.  The cost of a new fan is nothing compared to the loss of your barn and animals.

2.)  Have your wiring inspected by an electrician.  A professional can see things that you may not be able to, and can make recommendations that could save lives and money.  As much as it is possible, encase all wiring in conduit, and install protective lighting cases over bulbs.

3.)  Hay during the summer months can get very hot, and may combust.  Stack hay to maximize air flow, leaving channels in between bales.  Make sure you smell your stacks frequently; often you can smell a charred scent if a batch of bales is at risk for combustion.  It is also a good idea to store your hay and sawdust separately from where your horse's stalls are; if that isn't possible, make sure that the hay and sawdust is kept in the coolest area in your barn and is well-ventilated.  Also, keep loose hay or sawdust swept/raked up, so that it doesn't accumulate in areas where it could catch fire.

4.)  Make sure you have several large, fully charged fire extinguishers in several locations in your barn.  Also make sure that all your barn help know how to use them.

5.)  This may be obvious, but enforce a 'No Smoking' rule on your property.  Post signs and make sure that there are no exceptions to this rule.  Often, people who want to smoke won't smoke in the barn per se, but will stand just outside of it, and will flick their butt on the ground.  Other flammable activities include your shoer who uses a hot forge, or someone who does welding work.  Keep a close eye on those sparks!

6.)  Installing a sprinkler system is a big expense for most horse owners, but the payoff for this investment is the peace of mind that your horses might be saved from fire if you are not there to evacuate them, or if it is the middle of the night and you are unaware of a fire in your barn.  New construction should always have them, but older barns can be retrofit with them.

7.)  There are two small appliances that are commonly used in barns that increase the risk of fire substantially.  One is fans, and the other is heaters.  This summer has been incredibly hot, and to help there stall bound horses cope, many people are running fans 24/7.  Most box fans are not terribly well-made; make sure to turn them off occasionally to give the motor a rest, inspect them carefully and consider using larger fans in the aisles, rather than small fans in each stall (more small fans means more cords, which means more risk.).  If possible, consider turning your horses out rather than keeping them stalled; usually there is more breeze outside than in, and if there is shade available, the horses will be more content and comfortable outside. 

As far as heaters go, I am very much against their use in horse barns.  They are not for the horses, who are blessed with a natural way to stay warm - their coats.  Heaters are for people, but really are an accident waiting to happen.  If you are busy moving around in a barn, you won't be very cold, but if you are, warm up inside the house, lounge, your car or with some hot chocolate or hot pack, not in front of a space heater.  It just isn't worth the risk.  If you absolutely cannot live without your space heater, post large signs around the barn area, reminding you to turn off or check the heater, and always place the heater on a flat, stable, non-combustable surface, away from anything that might get hot and catch fire.

I hope these suggestions inspire you to go out today and declare a fire safety day.  By being vigilant, we may be able to prevent a tragedy from occurring in your barn, and that would be the very best way to remember the fourteen horses lost yesterday.  Take care, and be safe.

Long Term Relationships

Our neighbor and friend Connie had to put her sweet old horse Skip down over the weekend. Skip was 30 years old, and got down on the ground and couldn't get back up. Connie had owned him since he was a baby, and loved him dearly. I know that Skip lived a long, good life, and yet, that really isn't a good consolation in the immediate time after his passing. It is devastating to lose a horse that you have had that long, no matter how great they had it while they were alive. Knowing that putting them down is the right thing to do isn't a consolation either; they are still absent from your life and the pasture. Even in their old age, it is comforting to look outside and see them standing there, nibbling grass or napping in the sun, or go out and scratch them, and give them kisses.

The fear and anticipation of losing one of my own old horses isn't far from my mind ever. My Jake will turn 33 in July, Jazz is 28, Brandy is 25 and Bam Bam is 20. Obviously, you can lose a horse at any age, but the likelihood of health problems goes up significantly after the age of 20. How does a person prepare their heart and soul to face the loss? I am trying to figure this out. I want to take comfort in the fact that we take good care of them, that they could all easily live well into their 30s, and that they have had so much love while in my care. But the fact remains; I will have to say good bye. I may have to make a tough decision to put them out of misery. I will have to explain to my kids what happened to them. I will wake up one morning to a pasture that looks empty in their absence.

One thing does give me comfort and strength. To love is to risk the pain of loss. I know that by feeling the deep pain of losing each of my horses, that the capacity that I have to love is deepened, broadened, made more crystalline. My capacity to love and sacrifice for them is what defines my humanity, gives me character, and connects me to other animals, and humans too. I know that the experience of owning a horse for so many years makes me a better person. So, when the day comes that I have to let one go, if you ask me,"would you go through it all again?" the answer will be a resounding, "Yes!! Yes, of course!!"